her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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