apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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