Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
