Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
