is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Randomize
