I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
