Midget sex pt 2 tonight
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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