ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
