My balls are so social today.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
