It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
