It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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