Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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