Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize