they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
