I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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