alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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