there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize