Soap is not a condiment
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
