it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
