Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(970): View more from Colorado

I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.

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(813): View more from Florida

If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead

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(217): View more from Illinois

It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.

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(408): View more from California

we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can

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(775): View more from Nevada

He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors

(1-775): View more from Nevada

Fuck he won the bet

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(630): View more from Illinois

He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.

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