That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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