i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
