I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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