Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
