I think I died a long time ago.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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