I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
