problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
