I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
