the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Bang-toberfest begins!!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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