Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
