If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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