Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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