My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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