Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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