..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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