worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
