You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
