You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
