this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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