Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
