you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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