I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize