it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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