They should really pass out barf bags in church
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
