So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
