There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
