I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
