he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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