So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
