put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
