She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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