I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
