You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
