I'm sorry my penis didn't work
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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