She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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