Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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