I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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