Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
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