I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize