drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
