and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
