the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
