he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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