So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
