dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
