the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
