Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
