Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
