I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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