is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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