got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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