Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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